Ah, how the heart leaps with excitement when the Lovers Card turns up.
Often it’s about an important new relationship coming into our lives – hence the anticipation - but often it isn’t. At its core, the Lovers card represents relationships, love, making decisions and coming into greater harmony and integration.
Love and Relationships
The Lovers card can signify a deep connection, mutual respect, and genuine love between two people, which also occurs in relationships outside of romance. When this card appears, love is or will be a significant focus in your life.
So much of our culture celebrates the overwhelming and passionate feelings of romantic love that supposedly last forever. And other novels, movies and songs point out the problematic nature of romantic love, and how it comes unstuck in so many different and disillusioning ways. (Card on the left from the Light Seers deck.)
I am a firm believer in the healing power of love. Any of you who have had a rescue animal will have seen firsthand what love can do to restore those who are battered and bruised by life.
One of the challenges of young adulthood is to leave home, find a partner, create a home of your own, become independent and make your own choices. The sexual drive forces us to form relationships with others and that can open the door to love.
Perhaps our lovers talk about being soul mates. It’s a myth that comes from Plato’s Symposium, about how the Gods split us in half so we each have only half a soul and can only be truly whole again when we find our ‘other half’ and unite in loving relationship.
Personally I’m with the sceptics. I’ve never been keen on Plato’s idea of needing another person to complete me. However damaged my soul is it’s never felt like it’s half a soul.
Research into hundreds of relationships shows expecting to find a soulmate makes it more likely to break up with your partner, because the soulmate is supposed to be a perfect partner. Nobody has any obligation to make you happy. And they couldn’t even if they wanted to. It’s up to you to choose to be happy.
Soulmate sceptics like me, tend to believe that relationships take work and compromise and are motivated to find solutions to problems. I’m not perfect and I certainly wouldn’t expect my partner to be perfect. But she is perfect for me.
Passion can also reveal a glimpse of union, beyond the ego, with the other. Mystics like St Teresa of Ávila have described union with God in terms of sexual ecstasy. Love and passion are powerful stuff, hence all the songs, movies, novels and gossip columns.
Choices and Decisions
The Lovers card also highlights the importance of how we make decisions. It often appears when you’re faced with a choice that will have a major impact on your life whether it be about relationships, career, personal growth, buying a home etc. This is shown in one of the oldest decks, the Marseilles Tarot on the far left, where we see a man choosing between two women with Eros above. On earth there isn’t enough time to do everything, and that helps us to understand the power and consequences of our choices. Your talent lies in the choices you make.
The Rider Waite deck shows a man and a woman in the Garden of Eden with an angel above them. It recalls the biblical story of Adam and Eve, symbolizing love, temptation, and choices. The angel represents higher guidance and divine blessing. and reminds us to make our choices from the heart and love, rather than fear. To do that consider your values and what aligns with your true self before making a decision.
The same deck shows the same couple chained by the Devil. It’s a reminder that when we choose from fear, which is what the Devil card is about, the outcomes are poor. While there might be sex and obsession, there is no meaningful connection, no love and no joy.
Harmony and Balance
This card also signifies harmony, not just in relationships but in life. It reminds you to seek balance between different aspects of your life. Whether it’s work and play, personal needs and relationship needs, or any other dualities, the Lovers card encourages finding a harmonious balance.
The Lovers card in the Thoth deck shows the Divine Marriage. Traditionally couples sought God’s blessing upon their union, which was seen as sacred. The idea was to share unconditional love with your partner, who you tried to accept and understand, rather than judge. The aim was healthy communication, love, trust and patience and the absence of anger, fear, revenge, and jealousy. It’s about commitment and a bond that can weather any storm.
But the significance of this card goes beyond romance. The Divine Marriage is also the union of the personality with the soul. This requires a degree of mastery over physical and emotional desires and the mind, so your spirit can shine through more strongly in daily life.
Again this may be aspirational. But the union of man and woman has long been seen as a symbol of integrating all the aspects of ourselves into a new and more complete whole.
That implies that by loving and accepting ourselves we can achieve greater integration and harmony. And if we have a partner they can be an individual in their own right, a beloved companion on the journey we take together.
That seems a great deal healthier than seeing them as the ‘other half’ needed to make yourself feel complete. You are not lacking, you are complete, a mixture of yin and yang, within the one whole and perfect soul. There is nothing missing and only love to give.
The shadow side
When the Lovers card appears reversed in a reading, or the shadow side is prominent, the meaning can shift. It might indicate:
Disharmony: There could be conflict or imbalance in your relationships. You may need to address issues or communicate more openly with your partner. It can indicate the breakdown of a relationship, affairs, or unrequited love.
Indecision: You may be struggling to make a choice or suffering the consequences of a poor decision. It can signify confusion, hesitation, or rushing things. Take your time and think things through carefully.
Self-Love: Sometimes it suggests you need to focus on loving and valuing yourself more, and make sure your own needs and happiness are being met.
Opening your heart
Light a candle, take the Lovers card from your Tarot deck and reflect on its energy. Close your eyes, focus on your breathing, and when you feel centred, connect with your heart chakra.
Sense the love your Soul and Guardian Angel have for you. Sense your heart centre filling to overflowing with this love. Feel this love growing and growing as it fills your body, then radiates out into your aura.
And once your heart is overflowing with love you can send love to people you know – those you love, and if you want to develop your compassion send it to people you are indifferent to, and to people you dislike. Send it to your neighbourhood if you wish, and eventually into the world and Universe. I have no idea if it makes a difference to them, but afterwards I feel wonderful.
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